Friday, 27 March 2015

The Prompt - Presence

With my small stature, I'm 150cm or 5 feet, I often wonder what kind of impression I give off or what kind of presence I radiate.

Amongst friends I noticed that my personality is like THIS! I think it's big, but if you were to ask people who know me they would tell you I am quiet. In a big group, yes I sit back and enjoy the energy, but in a smaller group I tend to pipe up a bit more.

Parent teacher interviews were held recently and funnily enough my daughters exhibit the same characteristics. The typical,

"She would benefit more from engaging and contributing to discussions."

"She needs to ask more questions when she does not understand what we are doing in class."





My children. I would pay a lot of money for my children to openly and honestly tell me what they thought of me. Because all I know for sure is that they are scared of me. Wow, that's pretty heavy.




They are and I know it and I hate it. I'm obviously not always that warm source of comfort and reassurance that they need. Most of the time, to be honest, I'm that stressed out, frustrated, yelling mum who just needs to get things done and you're either on board or in the way. I know, awful right? It's funny because a lot of my friends ask me "how do you get your kids to listen to you and be so well behaved?" I honestly tell them "my kids are so scared of me." It's ugly but it's true.

I may be small but to my children I am a substantial presence in their every day. Whether this presence is a positive one is questionable. (I'm just being real here, I'm not getting any Mother of the year awards anytime soon.)

Yesterday afternoon I remembered I'm not raising children. I'm raising women who will one day maybe have children of their own and will become mothers themselves. I worry about the kind of mothers I am raising and what influence my presence will create in my girls.

My mother was nothing like me. She never raised her voice. She was so selfless and caring towards me and my brother. I just don't think I have that same approach or those same qualities. Whenever I have my heart to hearts with mum and I share with her my doubts and worries, she always tells me "You can't compare how you mother your children to how I mothered you. I only had 2 children. I worked out of the home. I had a boy and a girl 6 years apart. None of those conditions apply to you so why would you parent the same way I did?" Bless my mummy.

Like me, my kids are petite. Whether they will follow my path and develop a bigger personality to compensate for the lack in the height department will be interesting. Either way I know changed must occur with the hopes of a more relaxed and happy presence for my children to collapse into after a hard day of being a child.


mumturnedmom


Step 82,

5 comments:

  1. I've never thought about whether my height (I'm 5"1) was a factor in my personality, but perhaps it is :) I can relate to the shouting thing though, something I am becoming more and more conscious of. Your comment about raising future parents struck a chord, I am aware of this and I do worry when I hear my tone in my children's voices that I am teaching them the wrong things. But, your mother is right, we all parent differently, and all our children are different x Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x

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    1. Haha I will show my mum your comment, because she really is always right!! My mum is a big part lf my life and in some less than proud parenting moments I think of what she would say if she were in the room at that moment. Ahhh its all a big slow learning curve. Always a joy to link up Sara. See you next week! :)

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  2. I was shouty and when they started shouting at me and each other, I realised it was rubbing off on them. So whoever shouted would end up having time out, including me and it helped to calm stressful situations. Now they area older, I am less shouty. It does get easier as they become more independent to do things, not only for themselves, but to help out around the house etc.

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    1. Thanks for your comment Nicola. Ugh i really dislike being shouty and I've noticed I'm shouty when we're trying to head out the door and no one is helping to get ready, or when I've asked for them to pick up their room so I can vacuum and it's not getting done. Wow I think we would all benefit if mummy had some times out :)

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  3. My husband calls me the fun police sometimes 'cause I'm usually the shouty one!
    I'm 5.4 and do the same as you, quieter in a large group, people watching and taking it all in and then much louder in smaller group x

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